IGGY: A Plutonian Prince

PLUTO
ROCK

A good band smells

and a

bad band stinks

Three people sit quietly in the lavish public relations office of a major record company listening to a record. The name of the record is A Salty Dog, a slow, momentous dirge played by the famous rock group, Procol Harum. Yep, no doubt about it, Procol Harum with their constant self-sacrifice in the face of every adversity (slow public acceptance, low selling records, etc.) continue to grind out those sad, sometimes slightly hopeful, melancholic odes to the sea with an ardor that can only be described as messianic. They are Neptunians. "The hell with the pain, let's carry on." The atmosphere in the room matches the record. Everybody is in a state of reflective languor, no one intrudes, there is a total human power vacuum. Then, suddenly, with an almost careless force, the door flies open and Iggy Stooge, born James Jewell Osterburgh, washes into the room and its universe is totally transformed.

Large, gap-toothed grin, round magnetic eyes which sweep the room in search of a target. Pointing at one of the publicity ladies with all the imperiousness inherent in a true Plutonian, he says (in a low sinister whisper) "Hey, you wanna twist?"

Well, besides the initial impact-shock of Iggy's Plutonian presence, three important things were changed irrevocably. 1. No one in that room would ever think of Procol Harum in the same way again. Neptunian humility was deflated. 2. Nor would they forget that moment, their personal interrelationships were changed indefinitely. 3. A super-galactic force had been exerted and all three would be held in its grip forever.

Iggy Stooge, more than most of his "rock music" counterparts, is perhaps the most perfect example of the dark, totally powerful Plutonian force. Or, as some syphilitic French poet once put it: "le pouvoir du neant." The power of nothingness. Iggy and the Stooges (his three cruel, quiet cohorts in evil) don't "make music". They create a high intensity musical laser beam, continuously regenerative, which envelopes the mind of their audience (followers). Using the beam as a conductor, they transmit raw power units which put everything in the vicinity under a total aura of subjugation. It's easy enough to see this force reflected in the faces of the spectators, you don't have to take my word for it. Glazed, fearful eyes, gaping mouths drooling spittle, fear-stricken wincing faces cringing in anticipation of a direct physical assault from Iggy, Plutonian incarnate. Essentially, the Stooges are "power conductors" who channel and re-define the awesome force which emanates from the dark side of the universe.

You can hear it on their records, after every human effort has been made at vinylizing and filtering it down to "easy listening music". Catch the expression on someone's face when they hear the first few measures of one of their records. A double-take, slow look of disbelief which dissolves into one of genuine concern. They are beginning to feel the Plutonian power tentacles reaching out at them. Their safe existence is threatened. But that's the whole point. While other Plutonian groups like Alice Cooper, the Mothers(to an extent), Mick Jagger, and the Velvet Underground are slowly consuming themselves because of their inability to hold onto IT, the Stooges stand out, cold, hard and sinister — razor edged against the world as the true Plutonian envoys to this testing area some call the earth. Make no mistake about it, they are the ONES. Confront them. Then just try and deny it. You'll see…..

Mel Lyman