New York Avatar No. 6,
July, 1968, Letters, p 5

Letters

Dear Brian,

How sweet of you to have thought of me in this hour of distress. Truly without your assistance and comradeship I simply could not have endured the trials of these past few weeks. Your anguish that the Avatar would fall into the hands of Visgoths seems certainly to have been substantiated in full measure.

At last I can see the failure in me as I have been unable to contain all the violence in attacks upon my person. For a time it seemed that I could, as the largest of the Avatars, absorb all the Karma, being quite able, dear fellow, to defend my person, quite unlike rumors I have heard circulated about affronts to your own person. Please do be careful, after all in NY one must assume that They carry knives. How glad I am to be back in Boston where it is merely brawn and vocal projection that carries the day. Indeed, dear friend, I must sad report that the frailer flowers have been summarily crushed in these turbulent weeks. Where men have fallen, brave women have taken to the field in their spouse's armor. Jessie could be seen in all quarters of the field, in the midst of the fray baring her precious breast to ruin, recklessly.

My own inadequacies have been much in question despite your courageous support. Many say that in going to bed that fateful morning, I failed in my most important appointed task in not regaining from you my hard-worked-for contraband. ou will recall that Arden and I are still getting to know each other and tend to put the affairs of state behind the boudoir wall, as should be.

Well now, having had my office broken in to every day for two weeks and coming almost to blows at least twice daily, it seemed that being Editor was a quite ridiculous and thankless task. Truly they only intend to suck you dry. You have no doubt found this to be true as has Mel and every other Pop hero. Ah refuge, so at the brink of fame I withdrew and fled in ignominy to Maine. Ah wilderness. Thank God I am slowly recovering from the Black Fly bites. Actually I was enjoying the proceedings. My more barbarous side (you will recall when I was a Gorilla), long dormant since leaving 11th St., came much to the fore, and for a moment I appeared quite simian in appearance, good God. Unlike Jessie who Loved the confiscation, each blow that I sustained seemed to wound Arden also. I seem to have inexhaustable capacity to sustain abuse but I found my blossom wilting so it seemed time for a little watering. In the long run only they are important. What does it matter if a man is king of the whole world if he rules not his own hearth?

They want me to say something about the paper mess, I mean destroying my 45,000 papers. As Kweskin aptly put it, I seemed More in Pain than anyone else. Words cannot come to fill the need of the total explanation of these past weeks, so better not fully to expound, but they press me for statement, draw me into conflict. Really It was Quite hideous of you to have destroyed those papers. Downright Medieval, prudish, bigoted Fascistic. As to you personally, there is a certain nostalgia for the productive Relationship we have shared. We will perhaps continue to amplify this mutual interest. Frankly however I cannot for the moment regard you with either warmth or friendship. It really is a matter of violation of a kind of mutual faith that we were not just common men, but in the light of your current behavior I have had to also regard you in the light of Cop, Judge, Assassin, Judas, in short gutless, conniving, shit head, creep. . . . and more than anything else, Faggot.

Looking forward to seeing you again to resume our interests, I am your most obedient servant,

Yours in Mel,
Charles Giuliano